Tuesday, September 23, 2014

My right side is sad, my left side is angry, and the whole misses a part of itself

Yep, I am finally starting to feel like an amputee. Poor little body, having to say goodbye like that to family. Poor little breasts, who never did no harm to no one. It's good to have a good cry over that.

After a tumor in the right lymph nodes, and a double mastectomy and oopherectomy, the two sides of my body are like siblings. The left side is hurt and angry - "I didn't do anything, why do I have to pay? And why does the other side get all the attention, when I do all the work?" And the right side is just sad and scared.

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I just crossed the ford of 40. I got a diagnosis at 38, and wasn't sure that I would make it this far, being a bit of a pessimist by nature. No, not pessimism: knowing we will all die and not liking suspense.

But here I am. Hello! Nice to see you all again! Nice to breathe big breaths into the tender place where there were once breasts! I'm happy, as well as sad and angry. And very happy to be all of those.


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It was an intimate and messy summer, and so beautiful. I didn't write much, but I painted a fair amount.