Julia Likes Frogs

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on May 10, 2011

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#Squamwrites
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What comes next?

Surgery was a month ago. Since then I have been sleeping, writing, painting (a little) and playing with my children. Each child alone is a pleasure, although the two together are baking soda and vinegar. I'm not saying which is which. Finally, Laurent took smallest monkey to France, where smallest monkey will spend a whole month alone with his grandparents, because we all needed a break, including Emile. He might even start maternelle, preschool, there, for a short while. Everyone gets a break, but I miss him like crazy. Starting tomorrow, I will be going to Boston every day for radiation - that's three hours round trip for 15 minutes of being turned into the Hulk. I'm doing it because they will also be giving me more chemo, and I apparently love chemo that much... Every day is hard. It's a mixture of crabby because I might die within the next five years, and blissed out because life is so beautiful, and crying when I hug my family. It's extrem...

Strong. Scoff.

I find the following oft repeated declaration difficult to tolerate: “You are/were so strong to deal with all this! I know you, of all people, will pull through. Because you are so strong.” ... Uh... Being told you are strong when you are just dealing with life as it comes. Unhappy face. This praise is a completely well intentioned copout. Maybe the following statements can illustrate why I find this irritating: “You woke up in the morning, when the car alarm started just outside your bedroom window! Boy are you ever strong.” “You are breathing, in spite of the fact that there is pollution in the air, and breathing requires muscles, and oxygen contributes to cell fatigue. That takes serious strength.” “You fed your kids breakfast, and it wasn't even sugary cereal! You are so strong. I don't know if I could do that.” “You did not stay up until 3 in the morning watching My Mad Fat Diary. Wow. You are strong.” (Oh. Wait. I really mean that one...) ...

Acrylic paint all over the place, and trying to paint the cat

I've been talking about having an evolving fiction writing practice. Someone brings it up, usually me, and I say, “It's evolving.” Um, what does that mean? I think what I meant was that something magical would magically happen and that my writing would magically become transcendent, and rock the very foundations of my world. Please snort, if you just read that, because even I know how (… searching for the right word … impossible? Overreaching? Grandiose – oh, etc. ) that is. Maybe, though, I'm not a fiction writer. Maybe blog writing (can't bring myself to write that new verb that sprang from the word blog) is my meditative, non-transcendent, but honest to goodness evolving practice. In other media, I have been having a paint binge. It is SO GOOD not to spend all day every day driving to Boston. Instead, I spend the morning getting up late, getting Emile to school, meditating (as per the instructions of my wonderful teacher, S...

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