February, the month when everything falls apart

It's called the Dön Season by the Tibetans. That's said "done". Or Donne, like the poet. Or dun, like the color.

It's the hardest month of the year for me. It brings seasonal depression, arguments, and all kinds of karmic whiplash, my own and others'.

It was with pleasure that I listened to Sokuzan Bob Brown's talk on trusting one's self. I realized that I don't trust myself because others might disagree, so instead I try to get them to agree. Because if I don't, they might be unhappy with my decisions. And if they are unhappy, I am unhappy.

It's all an attempt to avoid unhappiness. So I am letting myself try out what it feels like to allow in unhappiness.

Ouch. Just like I thought.

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