I find the following oft repeated declaration difficult to tolerate:
“You are/were so strong to deal with
all this! I know you, of all people, will pull through. Because you
are so strong.”
... Uh... Being told you are strong when you are
just dealing with life as it comes. Unhappy face. This praise is a completely well
intentioned copout.
Maybe the following statements can
illustrate why I find this irritating:
“You woke up in the morning, when the
car alarm started just outside your bedroom window! Boy are you ever
strong.”
“You are breathing, in spite of the
fact that there is pollution in the air, and breathing requires
muscles, and oxygen contributes to cell fatigue. That takes serious
strength.”
“You fed your kids breakfast, and it
wasn't even sugary cereal! You are so strong. I don't know if I could
do that.”
“You did not stay up until 3 in the
morning watching My Mad Fat Diary. Wow.
You are strong.” (Oh. Wait. I really mean that one...)
“You
gave birth, rather than keeping the fetus in your body after
nearly ten long months. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You
are so strong.”
Do you
catch my drift? These are realities, and necessities.
Having
chemo (while being very similar to surviving severe trauma, for some
of us), going through radiation treatment, having a double mastectomy
and oopherectomy, this does not require any more strength than eating
an apple instead of going hungry.
You
just do it.
Hate
it, suffer, cry and whine, and do it. And then whine some more, and
feel sorry for yourself, and stay up all night watching My
Mad Fat Diary (Ah! That's the
theme of this post!)
Okay,
so why does this bother me? Why not just say, “Yes! We are all
gloriously strong!”
Well.
I could do that. Or I could rant. Naturally, I choose the latter.
I
defend my right not to feel, or be called, or be seen as, strong. I
need just as much love and care as the next goof up, and I am just as
scared and confused. I am not some super hero, and you are not weaker
than I am.
What I
have dealt with, you may deal with, and you won't be any stronger or
weaker than I am/was.